How I wish all my teeth were intact

Dear nephew Milambo

GREETINGS from Arusha, this city where you come across roasted meat after every corner that you take. My dear nephew, first and foremost I greet you in the name of all the Nyamwezi ancestors led by our great Chief Mirambo.

I also hope that all the Nyamwezi gods led by Limatunda are watching over all of you in my beloved Ukumbisiganga. My dear nephew, a few days ago I received a call from our neighbour in the village, mzee Safari, who complained bitterly about you, telling me that you insulted him and you wanted to beat him up.

To say the truth, I was surprised, because I know that you are full of respect for your elders and you are always gentle and conscious of how people feel.

He told me that because of that occurrence, he has been having sleepless nights and that it greatly affected him psychologically, that is why he decided to call me. My dear son, for all the years that I have lived in my beloved Ukumbisiganga, I have always known mzee Safari as a very controversial person and I remember there is one time I practically slapped him several times because he was disrespectful to me.

So when he called me and told me about you, of course my first reaction was shock, which forced me to ask him what exactly happened for you to want to beat him up. He was dodgy and very cagey, sticking to the fact that the episode has traumatised him and he was thinking that me as your uncle should do something about it before he ‘takes it further’ What I did after this obvious blackmail is to call mzee Jafari, the one who married off his daughter recently and he told me everything that transpired that day.

My dear boy, after listening to that narration, I felt like taking a helicopter so that I could come over and help you to give that old fool a very good thrashing. Anyway, from now henceforth I should advice you to steer away from that old man, because he is the kind of person who keep grudges for years.

That is why after talking to mzee Jafari, I called him back and really admonished him and I told him that at his age first and foremost he should respect himself and remember that he is a grandfather, that is after I warned him to stay away from you.

My dear son, I know that you are a very calm and collected young man, full of respect for both the young and the old, but I also know that you have a fiery temper beneath that calmness.

I know the old moron was in the wrong after hearing the other side of the story, but please try to restrain yourself in such disagreements, because some people might take advantage of that weakness. My dear boy, I know you are wondering why I told you that I am in Arusha and I know you are wondering whether I have decided to be a local tourist.

You see son, four days ago your aunt told me that she has a workshop in Arusha for three days and she begged me to come with her because the whole of last week she has been feeling under the weather. I always have fun in this city, that is why I jumped at the opportunity and that is why we are here as I am writing to you.

My dear son, I know you have never been to this city, but rest assured that one day we will come together for a visit. What you should know my dear son is that Arusha is a bustling city that often serves as the starting point for safaris to the Serengeti, Ngorongoro Crater, Lake Manyara and Tarangire National Parks.

Many people just stay a night or two here before moving on, but if you have time, I’d suggest we stay for at least a few days before we go back home. Arusha, locally known as ‘A-Town’, has a lot of charm of its own and is a great place to experience Tanzanian life. It also has a fun party scene which is probably one of the reasons it’s popular with the volunteer crowd (Moshi, a couple of hours away is the same). In the evening the weather is cold and I pity your aunt because as you know she does not fare well in cold areas, unlike me who always have a good time in such weather conditions.

What I like about this city my dear boy is that people know how to have fun and the best thing is the countless number of joints where they roast meat. My dear boy, yesterday in the evening we went for a walk, me and your aunt and we entered a certain joint where they were playing very nice old songs.

And the best part is that the kitchen was very busy, with meat being roasted by very professional young fellows. My best food since we came here has been roasted fish, which I have been devouring like a person who has never seen fish before. Your aunt is hooked on something called ‘Mutura’, which some people call the African sausage, which is a long, meaty thing which looks like a very long sausage which is roasted on an open fire.

It is very delicious, because I also gave it a try last night and I think today I will eat it. I just wish all my teeth were intact my dear nephew, because I would have done justice to so many juicy ribs.

We are supposed to return to that confused city two days from now and the people I have talked to are telling me the rains are still heavy. Anyway, take care my dear son, say a big hello to your wife and children, tell them that I miss them very much.

Your aunt also sends her greetings and she told me that she was communicating with your wife yesterday and she assured her that your beautiful daughter is in good health. May all the Nyamwezi ancestors led by the Great Chief Mirambo take good care of you and all the people in my beloved Ukumbisiganga.