Sports & Culture Giggles: Lights, camera, action! Road to Tanzania’s film industry revival

A peculiar situation has unfolded in the bustling streets of Tanzania, where the rhythm of life beats to the sound of laughter and joy.

Imagine! This country has about 64 million people, a rich cultural tapestry, and a thirst for storytelling, yet only nine cinema theatres!

How did this curious tale come to be; you ask? Well, it is a story as amusing as it is perplexing.

Flashback to the groovy 1970s, when Tanzania had a modest population of nine million souls.

Funnily, back then, the country boasted over 40 cinemas sprinkled across the nation like confetti.

Fast-forward to today, when a population boom occurred, cinemas have dwindled faster than a villain in a poorly written script. What is the punch line? Television!

Yes, you heard it right. Television. That magical box of moving pictures has stolen the show. Why go out to the movies when you can bring the film home?

Cue the collective shrug from the powers that be, who seem equally and funnily baffled by the disappearance of cinemas in major cities.

It is a head-scratcher indeed.

All right, folks, gather around because we are about to embark on a grand cinematic adventure through the wild plains of Tanzania’s film industry!

Picture this: a land bursting with vibrant stories just waiting to be told, yet somehow, they have been stuck on mute.

But fear not! Here is a treasure trove of strategies to unlock the potential of our film industry, making it as legendary as a lion basking in the Serengeti sun.

Reviving the film industry is not just about economic growth; it is a vital tool for preserving our rich culture, nurturing local talent, and showcasing Tanzania’s unique stories to the world.

Now, let’s unveil this blockbuster plan, scene by scene, with each strategy more thrilling than the last.

So, dear reader, hold onto your hats (or safari gear) because as we dive deeper, you will see how many thrilling twists this narrative holds.

The dawn of Tanzania’s cinematic renaissance is upon us, and I assure you, it promises to be a showstopper of epic proportions!

But remember, dear reader, this grand vision can only become a reality if we all play our part, especially the powers that be, who must act upon these proposals.

First thing first… Let us not be all serious—imagine a world where Tanzanian films are so legendary that even Hollywood is nervously clutching its pearls.

How do we make that happen? Buckle up because the ride will get wild and a bit rough.

Have you ever thought about tax incentives as the jazz hands of the film world?

Okay, maybe not. But picture the scene: Local and international filmmakers are dancing happily because Tanzania has decided to roll out fabulous tax reductions.

“Hooray, more money for (Computer-Generated (imagery) CGI lions and dramatic sunset shots!”

If other countries can do it, why not us?

Tanzania could soon be the Cannes of the Sub-Sahara Hemisphere—minus the confusing French accents and overpriced croissants.

Now, let us talk about film education.

Instead of learning algebra (sorry, math enthusiasts), students get schooled on dramatic lighting, emotional monologues, and maybe even the art of the perfect slow-motion explosion.

Scholarships should be handed out like candy at Easter or Eid because a well-educated filmmaker is a hero we need—but don’t deserve.

Just think: our very own Tarantino might be sitting in a Tanzanian classroom right now, doodling storyboards in the margins of his notebook!

And then there is the infrastructure. How about we build studios so advanced that even James Cameron would be green with envy?

Visualise state-of-the-art equipment so shiny and new that filmmakers will need sunglasses to enter production rooms.

Need help with film editing? Not anymore! Our filmmakers will swipe right on technology (AI included) that makes editing a breeze—Netflix and HBO eat your hearts out.

Co-productions? Ah, the film industry’s blind dates. Imagine Tanzanian filmmakers meeting international directors for the first time.

“Hey, I loved your work on that romantic comedy with the talking dog!”

Conversations like these could sprout collaborations that mix our rich cultural essence with their expertise.

Why, the mashed-up magic might even result in an Oscar-worthy film. Tanzanian Swahili meets French existential philosophy, anyone?

And who doesn’t love a good database? Does it sound boring? Not when it is brimming with the who’s who of Tanzanian cinema!

Picture a Tinder-like app for filmmakers— “Swipe right if you would like to collaborate on a heart-warming drama about a time-travelling coconut vendor.”

This database makes networking more fun than Aunt Ezekiel’s wedding—minus the awkward dancing.

Do you want to involve the kids? That’s okay. Start with workshops and film festivals where they can show off their mini masterpieces.

Think of it as a boot camp, but it is more remarkable because they are making movies instead of ropes out of coconut leaves.

Mentors will guide these young film boys through the dizzying world of cinema, prepping them to tell stories more epic than the recent internet hiccough…

Let us also remember to document our film history.

This digging into the past can be the ultimate trivia game for film nerds. Who could have guessed that our film industry had such dramatic twists and turns?

Consider it cinematic archaeology—dusting off that old reel to discover a gem that captivates the next Steven Spielberg.

Imagine movie nights where everyone discusses the intricate mise-en-scène of a Tanzanian classic instead of just rewatching “The Lion King.”

Film criticism, ah yes. Picture an arena where critics joust not with lances but pens and eloquence.

Reviews will no longer be a mere collection of “It was good, I guess,” but a masterclass in dissecting the hero’s journey in a Tanzanian setting.

Call it a national pastime between soccer and trying to cook that perfect Ugali. Boom! A nation of cinephiles arises!

Events like film exhibitions could also become Tanzania’s version of a comic book convention, Comic-Con or whatever it is called.

Instead of Maasai superheroes, you will have ardent fans rocking traditional attire, passionately debating over the latest documentary.

These exhibitions could showcase just how far we have come, turning us into the cool kids of the global film scene.

And what is a vibrant film industry without its international film festivals, right? Imagine Arusha turning into the Cannes Film Festival venue of Africa.

Or Dodoma, the Venice of Africa, or Mbeya, the Berlin of the continent.

Paparazzi, exotic red carpets, and a frenzy of activity that would make even Bollywood stars’ eyebrows raise in surprise.

Who needs Cannes, Venice, or Berlin Film Festivals when you have Mount Kilimanjaro as your backdrop?

Distribution channels might sound dull but think of it as sending your favourite homemade cookies—films, in this case—to relatives across the globe.

A robust network ensures everyone gets a taste. We will turn Tanzanian stories into viral sensations quicker than you can say, “Wakanda Forever!”

Another essential counsel is to aim for more fun rules when formulating film policies than reading the terms and conditions. Policies should free up creativity, not stifle it.

We need cultural preservation, too.

Think of it as creating epic sagas, where Tanzanian myths and legends we have disregarded for so long will leap off the screen.

Mkwavinyika Mwinyigumba (Mkwawa), the Great, fearless Kinjeketile Ngwale, and stubborn Nduna Songea Mbano, to name but some.

Blockbusters from Heaven will be just that – Blockbusters! Trust me.

Filmmakers will become the custodians of our heritage, armed not with spears and shields or the sacred ‘Majimaji’ but with cameras and microphones.

Imagine our folklore becoming box office gold, making our mamas and grandpas everywhere proudly say, “I told you so.”

Marketing Tanzanian films would have to be like crafting the ultimate movie trailer for the entire world.

Flashy campaigns, viral hashtags, and even those quirky 3-second YouTube ads no one skips because they are just that good.

Tanzania goes from ‘Where?’ to ‘Wow!’ in the blink of an eye.

Film tourism could be the cherry on top.

Fancy a trip to the locations where your favourite Tanzanian movies were shot? You could reel in tourists right and left.

Pair scenic tours with film trivia; suddenly, your country becomes a must-visit spot on every cinephile’s bucket list.

Lastly, let us double down with another mega film fest to up the ante.

Mainland Tanzania could host an event so grand that the Zanzibar International Film Festival (ZIFF) would have to share the spotlight.

With glitter, glam, and the whole shebang, our films would light up the international film circuit like never before.

So, there you have it. A new dawn for Tanzanian cinema is inevitable, one slapstick idea at a time – but only such narratives are deliberated.